The Power Of Touch

The Power of Touch

Recently, a 40-year-old man was hospitalized for treatment of advanced leukemia. While he was receiving massive doses of chemotherapy, he was put in quarantine for fear that even catching a common cold from family or friends could be potentially lethal. During isolation, his family could come no closer than his door, and then had to stand separated from him with masks covering their mouths. The only person allowed to touch the patient was a nurse who has been specially cleared as being in good health.

Here is how the patient described the experience of isolation: "This nurse changed my bedding and kept me clean and all that," he says. "But she hated to touch me, or at least it felt that way. Whatever she was doing she did with as little physical contact as possible.

"I wish I could have told her how important touch was," he adds. "I craved the feeling of flesh on flesh. I craved it! It wasn't a sexual thing--in my condition that was the last thing on my mind. But I really felt I was losing my will to live without that touch. I mean, I still wanted to live, to get better, but the reason to keep struggling was slipping away from me. I needed the feeling of someone's skin on mine to help me find it again."

Touching eases pain, lessens anxiety, softens the blows of life, generates hope and has the power to heal, according to most experts. In fact, modern psychology and medicine are confirming what mothers across the centuries have intuitively known--namely, the healing power of touch.

Various studies and experiments show the simple act of reaching out and touching another person frequently results in physical benefits such as slowing the heart rate, dropping blood pressure and speeding recovery from illness. For example, Dr. James Lynch, professor at Baltimore's University of Maryland School of Medicine conducts extensive studies on touch and its impact upon the body. "Physical contact has very dramatic effects upon psychological health," he says. "It lowers blood pressure. It relaxes you."

Other experts agree. "People who are more comfortable with touch are less afraid and less suspicious of other people's motives and intentions," says Stephen Thayer, professor of psychology at the City University of New York. "They tend to have less anxiety and tension in their everyday lives."

The bottom line is touching is good for everyone. One touch can soothe, comfort and convey caring in an way words never can. But what about the many people who simply want to reach out and touch but are uncomfortable with touch? The following are four suggestions for putting more touch into your life.

Commit

Take advantage of opportunities which exist to increase touch daily. For example, kiss your spouse when leaving for work, embrace your friends when greeting them, hug your children when they return from school and hold hands with your significant other when you are watching television.

Rather than having children sit beside you when you read a story, have them sit in your lap. In fact, one of the "secrets" enjoyed by almost every strong family unit is their high level of touching and intimacy. One husband and wife describing an important daily event which strengthens their family share this: "Each night we go into the children's bedrooms and give each a big hug and kiss. Then we say, 'you are really good kids and we love you very much.' We think it's important to leave that message with them at the end of the day."

Communicate

Do not assume that others will always sense your need and desire to have more physical contact. Family and friends should not be expected to read minds. The best way to get what you want is to speak up. Ask for a hug. Tell someone, "You deserve a hug for that!"

One lesson from a four-year-old girl reveals the importance of touch. After discovering the story of the "Three Little Pigs," she requested her father to read it night after night. Her father, weary of reading the same story each evening, tape recorded it and taught his little girl how to turn the machine on and off, including playback. This approach worked, but only for a few nights. When his daughter asked him to read the story again, her father said, "Now, Janie, you know how to use the tape recorder." To which she responded, "Yes, but I can't sit on its lap."

Connect

The best way to be touched is to touch. In 1976, James C. Gardner, then the mayor of Shrevesport, Louisiana, was scheduled to deliver a commencement address at Louisiana State University. He delivered the speech while in a state of shock. Earlier that day a doctor's yearly physical on his wife revealed she had a terminal condition.

When the commencement exercise was completed, Mayor Gardner turned to the Rabbi who had delivered the invocation and began to cry. As he shared with the Rabbi what he and his wife learned that afternoon, the Rabbi simply placed his hand upon the mayor's shoulder. "I do not know what he (the Rabbi) said, it was not important," says Mayor Gardner." What was important was that he let me know he cared. In the months that followed, I learned the importance of being cared for and, in that learning, became a more caring person myself. Ten years ago I was not a 'toucher.' Today I can hug, put an arm around a shoulder and hold a hand with ease because I have learned that touching is such an important element in the expression of caring.

Comfort

One touch can "speak" volumes and convey your love, acceptance and support. For example, a woman, who had been recently widowed, tells of being overcome with grief at a Christmas Eve service following her husband's death. Sitting next to her was a 10-year-old girl, who noticed the woman's tears. "I felt my little neighbor's small hand creep up into my lap," the grieving woman says. "She took my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. My heart swelled."

Everyone should remember hands were designed to do many different tasks. One of the best uses is to convey love, warmth, caring, understanding and acceptance. So, reach out and touch someone--it's healthy!